(Quick note: If you’re in a hurry and want to fast forward through the part about me being a bad husband, just know that I’m trying to help my wife and two oldest kids go on a service-oriented trip to Africa. Donation details are at the bottom of this post. I’m doing this as a secret to try to surprise my wife.)
My wife and I got into an argument last night — you’ll never guess who was at fault (hint: me) — so I ended up sleeping on the couch. It was an uncomfortable night. It’s just after 6 a.m. and I’ve been up since the 4 o’clock hour — partly because our 3-year-old tried to exit the house through the garage door, partly due to an uncomfortable couch but also because I’ve been thinking.
I’m not a very good husband.
I’m on the road as often as 80-90 nights per year while covering the Utah Jazz, leaving her to care for our four children, ages 3 to 11. Even when I’m in town or at home, I have a tendency to be gone, if that makes sense.
I’m pretty selfish. I’m messy. I have a beard even knowing my wife despises it. I haven’t taken her on a date in months. I’m kind of a dark cloud.
And I’m not nearly as supportive as she is.
That last sentence is the big issue right now.
I made my wife cry yesterday.
I don’t know all of the details — it’d probably help if I listened to my wife better — but she has met the founder of an organization called 100 Humanitarians. This Utah-based group does service-oriented trips to Africa, and my wife has a fire lit within to go on an upcoming adventure to Kenya.
I said some unsupportive things over the past few days and one of them unfortunately led to tears. I wasn’t trying to be a jerk, per se, but sometimes it comes natural to me, I guess.
The tricky part?
The 12-day trip, which takes place in May, costs $3,000-plus per person for airfare, lodging, food and personal expenses. And what an amazing adventure it would be!
While there, the group Heather and our kids will be with will help:
- Provide support, education and feminine hygiene kits supplies for the Days for Girls project. (I had no idea this was an issue, but it sounds like the young women there are in need of help in this area.)
- Plant trees.
- Implement school scholarships.
- Create a “Stories Café” in a cultural center to help Kenyans research and document their genealogy and personal stories to share with future generations.
- Tour the Sheldrick Elephant Orphanage and the Giraffe Centre, go on Safari and visit Maasai villages.
I became Mr. Unsupportive when I found out how much the trip costs. We don’t have $9 in our savings account, let alone $9,000.
My wife has been very determined and positive that she and my kids can raise the necessary funds. She’s gung-ho. She’s even begun posting on Facebook about the neat things they’ll do for some Kenyan girls.
I’ve turned into a cynical grump, so I’ve only dampened her spirits by being a realist (OK, a pessimist) about the situation. I just have a hard time seeing how she can raise that much money and worry about what happens if she only gets part way there. We don’t even have enough left on a credit card to cover the difference.
So here I am, up early in the morning thinking about what I can do to stop being a dream killer and to start helping their dream come true.
It will take a lot of work to become a better husband, but I think trying to help my raise funds for this incredible project would be one way I could show my support.
I’d be humbled if you could help me help them help some people in Africa who need extra assistance and love.
Any donation, whether it’s $1 or $1 million (dream big!), would be an incredible blessing. You can donate directly to my PayPal or through a YouCaring page (kinda like GoFundMe) I secretly set up for Heather.
Or both! 😉
If you don’t have money and could donate an item or two for a fundraising yard sale, that would be terrific, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for info.
You could also donate SkyMiles! Email me if you’d like to go that route.
We’ll also accept positive vibes and prayers, if that’s what you have to offer.
I’m also in the market for a more comfortable couch — or, probably better, some tips on how to be a better husband.
P.S. This is really more about helping my wife, kids and Kenyans than me. I just feel bad that I’ve been a dud of a husband lately and am hoping to help.