(This is the section of my blog where I’ll chronicle my weight-loss experiences. Or at least I plan to until I fall off the dieting bandwagon (again). But I don’t intend to do that (again). Won’t happen! Hopefully. My plan of attack? Eat well, exercise, write about my inspiring journey from fatness to fitness and live healthily ever after. And this time I mean it.)
As proof that my will power is amped up right now despite the fact that I have 100 or so pounds to lose, just know that in the hours before writing this column late Tuesday night, I ate two dill pickles, bought a bag of Fuji apples, did 102 calories worth of treadmill time and lifted weights (once I figured out how to correctly operate the bench-press machine at my gym).
To show my raging appetite who’s boss, I’m also writing on an empty stomach, which they say you should never do because you’ll end up on Pinterest and are very likely to eat your computer screen while looking at what drool-inducing Halloween treats and food you shouldn’t be eating this month (like chocolate strawberry ghosts and mummy meatloaf and jack o’lantern barf dip).
I’ve written about my personal battle of the bulge for my newspaper at various junctures of the past 15 years in a diet column called “Losing It!” And I lost it — just not the weight. Truth be told, I thought I’d be skinny by now. Or close. I have had some awesome moments of success. I’d lost 173 pounds at one point. I finished a 140.6-mile Ironman triathlon. I was even a Weight Watchers Magazine Success Story/centerfold.
But successes have been offset by struggles.
My will has weakened so many times.
It doesn’t take much to convince my non-discriminating palate that just about everything in a buffet line or at a fast-food joint or in my fridge or in a vending machine tastes better than thin supposedly feels.
Even so, I refuse to give up on my goal of getting to a weight and fitness level where I’ll be healthy, happy and hunkalicious. (OK, I’ll never use the word hunkalicious again. Not just because it’s kinda lame, but it also reminds me of a Big Hunk candy bar, one of my favorites, and I’m apprehensive about what kind of weird dreams I might have if I search Pinterest for nougat photos and eat my laptop screen this close to bedtime.)
You know what I almost crave more than hitting my goal weight?
Simply being in control.
I’m tired of the whole yo-yo diet routine. I’m sick of bouncing back and forth from XXXL to XL to XXL sizes. I’ve had it with losing and gaining confidence from week to week. I’m definitely over being morbidly obese.
I just want stability. The food-mood swings are too much.
This reminds of an encounter I had with a co-worker, whom I hadn’t seen in years. (I travel with the Utah Jazz for my job, so I can be anywhere from Sacramento to Detroit to Miami during the season.)
After complimenting the trimmed-down appearance of another employee, Long-Lost Co-Worker glanced my way and caught me off guard with her greeting.
“Look who brought sexy back!”
Well, she didn’t exactly say that. And, honestly, I’m kind of embarrassed you now know that Justin Timberlake lyrics are rattling around my brain. (Must. Resist. Singing. About. Mirrors.)
“You’re never the same size when I see you, Jody.”
Those aren’t more JT lyrics. It’s what LLCW told me.
She laughed. I laughed. She blinked. I gained 47 pounds in 0.3 seconds.
What she said was true, though. Due to my on-again-off-again dieting habits, my fat cells and appearance expand and contract quicker than a laughing hyena’s belly.
Sometimes I weigh 371 pounds. That was the highest number I’ve ever seen on a scale. Fortunately for me, the digits didn’t stay that high for very long. Fortunately for the scale, I didn’t stay on it very long, either.
Sometimes I weigh 198 pounds. That was the lowest number I’ve ever seen as an adult. Unfortunately for me and for the scale, the digits didn’t stay that low for very long.
Sometimes I weigh 271 pounds (my official weigh-in for this report) or 230 pounds (June 2011) or 301.8 pounds (Memorial Day 2012) or 250.6 pounds (February 2013) or … BAAAAAH! You get the point. My weight is never the same when my scale or LLCW see me.
It’s soul zapping.
I’m certainly not going to quit trying to change — and for good this time.
And here’s hoping by next Wednesday’s weigh-in, there won’t be any Justin Timberlake lyrics bouncing around my head.
LOSING IT (AGAIN): TALE FROM THE SCALE
Starting weight: 271.1
Goal weight: 171
Pounds lost: 0
Status/BMI: Morbidly obese/42.4
Quote on my mind: “If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.”