Sometimes I forget how overweight I am. This sounds really weird, I know. After all, I am 110 pounds heavier than I should be, and it’s not like I’m some absent-minded fish trying to remember P. Sherman, 42 Whatever Way in … somewhere. Wait, is that a phone in my pocket or …?
I’m with myself all day, 24/7, even weekends, so it shouldn’t catch me off guard when I see pictures of myself and get reminded about my rotundness, but it strangely does on occasion. The photo above was an exception. You can even see the triceps work I’ve been doing is paying off, and from the camera angle I look really tall with all of those recorders and cameras in front of me. Oh wait. That’s Gordon Hayward, an athletic 6-foot-8 NBA player. I’m the much shorter, much pudgier dude who couldn’t even touch that videocamera above my head if I jumped. My triceps are stronger than they used to be, though.
I saw this picture to the right that was taken last week, and had no problem remembering how chunky I am. I’m not the black dude in the background, by the way. I’m not the guy who looks like he got away with something, either. That’s my sports writer friend, Bill Oram. I’m the one testing the stretchability of the form-fitting grey shirt, striking some odd Charlie’s Angels pose.
I didn’t intend on writing about the topic of self-deception, but that’s what’s happening both on my computer screen and in my life. I keep conveniently forgetting — ignoring, more like — that my weight is in the danger zone. It has been for the better part of 25 years. I’m really good at overlooking it, though. I’m so used to being overweight that it’s my normal. I can only imagine, and should more, how amazing it must feel to be a normal weight.
I usually only see my face in the bathroom or rear-view mirror, and from straight on it’s obvious I’m not skinny. But my face carries my weight better than the rest of my body, so perhaps I conveniently forget how much junk is in my trunk and the rest of my body. In the mirror, I’m pleasantly plump. In real life and in photos, I’m morbidly obese.
I guess this concept is on my mind because I’m two weeks into this new Man vs. Diet adventure, and I’m already headed the wrong way. I stepped on the scale this morning and received a bit of good news. I only gained 2.6 pounds since my last weigh-in! At that rate, I’ll weigh over 400 pounds by this time next year. What a dieting inspiration I am!
Sadly, I thought my weight was going to be higher. I’ve been trying to be good on my diet, but then I’ll allow myself to nibble here, cheat just a tiny bit there. I thought some unhealthy eating Sunday and a brownie the other night wouldn’t hurt. It probably wouldn’t have if I didn’t continue with that line of thinking the next day while eating slices of frosted cookies, cake, a serving or so of apple crisp dessert, a mindless handful of crackers and, oh yeah, almost a pound of brisket burnt ends, slathered with sweet BBQ sauce, not to forget a small tub of cole saw, baked beans and mashed potatoes. My arteries are so scarred by my Tuesday gorging, they just unsubscribed from my blog.
My dieting week was actually going well until my Trip from Idaho Hell. I made good decisions driving up to Boise — low-fat Subway sandwich with lots of veggies for lunch and a burrito with whole wheat tortilla and brown rice for dinner. But I got bored, tired and snacky — a horrible combination — on the five-and-a-half-hour all-night drive back to Utah. I didn’t snarf down as much junk food as I usually do on joyrides — or like I do on Tuesdays, apparently — but I did turn to munchies for company. Crackers. Low-fat chips. Beef jerky. Half of a box of supposedly diet-friendly bars. Funny how calories from diet food can add up if you just keep shoving them in your mouth, thinking it’s OK because it’s diet food.
Though I temporarily lost my will power — and occasionally my memory — I haven’t lost my resolve to win this lifelong weight-loss challenge of mine. If Nemo’s forgetful friend can find her way to Sydney, I can rediscover my dieting mojo, right?
Or maybe I’ll just stop letting people take my pictures.
LOSING IT (AGAIN): TALE FROM THE SCALE
Starting weight: 271.1 (all-time high: 371)
Last week’s results: Gained 2.6 pounds
Current weight: 271.4
Goal weight: 171
Status/BMI: Morbidly obese/42.5
Quote on my mind: “Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.” — Dory, Finding Nemo